5/3/2016

7:17AM
I woke up naturally at 6:15AM, so I decided to just get up and not spend the next hour in bed. Ghyrn’s 3 hours ahead now. We’ll see how easy it is to communicate regularly. I kinda miss Michigan. Ann Arbor is nice.

I think what I had yesterday was related to a buildup of stress. Like my body has been doing bad things to itself because I haven’t been sleeping, and last year’s excessive alcohol consumption and eating rich foods all the time caught up to me. I don’t like that my body gave up, but I guess the difference between now and during high school/undergrad is that I’m not young anymore. I need to take it a bit easier.

—
11:08AM
There’s a new admin at work named Krista. She’s a sweet lady, but she’s got a kickass side to her. Steph knew her from a past job, and said that she used to be a pushover. She was always sweet, but before (according to Steph), people would walk all over her and she’d take criticism really hard. And get offended. Her husband and mom have terminal cancer right now. Steph said she was afraid Krista’s family shit would break her, but Krista learned to fight back and be strong for them. I feel like my hardships are taking my “sweet” side away. Maybe I never had one.

—
8:19PM
It’s been nice talking to Ghyrn while he’s going to bed. I hope it’s enough for him.

A day without him is okay because I get to eat whatever I want, eat when I’m hungry without waiting for anyone, gym when I want without leaving him behind, and maybe hangout with friends I haven’t seen in a while because they don’t share his values. I miss him usually after a day though. Even after 5 years. I never let him see that anymore, though. Maybe it’s a part of the “I won’t let you see my vulnerabilities” stupid thing I do.

Part of it’s also jealousy over not sharing in his life while he’s gone for more than a day. But I still miss him.