2:26pm
I just got off of a stressful phone call. My mom was crying because my dad has been asking her siblings for money ($20K). He's now using my sister's situation as an excuse and saying that she needs money. She doesn't. It's all going to gambling and paying off gambling debts. There isn't any street cred in living through this. Only pain. There is no, "at least he died doing what he loved". "At least he tried to leave his family in a good place". "At least he saved his family". Only-he has this "disease" and is dragging his family down with him. Only shame. I'm fighting so I'm not a victim. I've been preparing for this my whole life. It will never be something I'm proud of.
I don't know if I'll have to pull the "you're on your own card". Having to say that to your father. Having to block out the thought of him rotting for a few years, or for the rest of his life. The hurt I'm causing people seems so minuscule. Maybe it's better in the long run for me to be out of their lives. No wonder I'm so fucked up.
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3:52pm
Mom picked up Dominic from day care and said he asked where uncle Ivan was. They called me on the drive home and he asked what I was doing. I told him I was at work. I was working. He asked if I was at the zoo again. Kid has a good memory. He asked me to take him to the mountain again.
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8:34pm
Dinner was nice. I don't know how to fix things. I will soon.
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